Thursday, June 14, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
1. It's good to get out and socialize.
Seriously. I used to spend all my spare time in my room, watching Hulu, reading, or sleeping. I'm not insinuating that any of those are bad activities; I'm just saying that socializing with your roommates every once in a while is healthy- even fun! Who knew, right? Without getting out of my "comfort zone" (more like the zone I put myself in because I was too lazy to do anything else), I would not have all the amazing friendships with my roommates that I have today. And without those friendships, I would have missed out on a lot of adventures. Which brings me to item 2:
2. Get out and have adventures.
Instead of asking "Why?", you should ask "Why not?" You can't just sit by and let life come careening around the corner, kicking up dirt in its '67 Shelby GT 500 Mustang, and let it drive right on by you, leaving you standing there choking on the dust of lost opportunity. JUMP IN THE CAR. I don't mean go find the first car you see driving by and jump in--as that would be both dangerous and stupid--I mean jump in the metaphorical car of life. Take these things I've learned for example:
a. Late night sledding adventures (which resulted in bruised ribs and sides aching from laughter) are always great. By the way, you can fit 5 people on a sled designed for one or two. Just stack them up like Jenga blocks.
b. Cinnamon rolls are good at ANY time of day. Or night. Including the wee hours of the morning. Especially if they are of larger proportions.
c. Facebook conversations are more fun when you're sitting next to the person whose stuff you're commenting on. Especially if you are listening to the "Aladdin" soundtrack.
d. Don't get into marker fights with a guy who can wrap you in a bear hug. He will turn your own marker against you. Trust me.
e. It's okay to hang out on the roof of your house- as long as your house manager is the one who invites you up there.
f. Drunk frat boys are looking for one of a few things: hugs and kisses (...a trip inside your jeans), sympathy, or a place to puke.
g. Go and see scary movies with people who scare easily. And then, when they get in the shower when you get home, turn off the lights and stand outside the shower door with a black towel over your head. Slap your hand against the glass if you're feeling particularly mean.
h. I should not see intense movies when I'm hyper. Otherwise, I come home and reenact them for my roommates. Take, for example, "The Grey".
"And he was like 'whatever beezies! I'm injured and I can still run faster than all ya'll!' And they wouldn't have lived as long as they did if it weren't for him. And as soon as he finished that story, I knew that guy was getting his face munched by a wolf! And I was like ten minutes tops! And then his daughter was there but I knew she was a hallucination because she was all glow-y and *angel sing-y* And then you hear a wolf growl and I was all 'Sh*t!' And then he trekks straight. into. the. wolf. den. Straight into the effing den! And that's where the movie ends! That's where it ends!! The plane crashes and then all this crap happens! And then everybody dies. Everybody dies!! They didn't even know... they didn't even know! Because they were everywhere. They were EVERYWHERE!!"
(This was transcribed by my good friend, Sierra, while I was busy acting out the plot on our kitchen floor. With extremely exaggerated hand motions/body movements. I played all the roles. Yep.)
Speaking of which, DON'T GO CAMPING IN ALASKA WITHOUT WEAPONS.
i. "Glee" should not cast Jeff Goldblum as a gay man in a pink sweater. The contradiction made my brain explode.
j. Creamies are in fact the answer for every problem. Hungry? Eat a Creamie. Depressed? Eat a Creamie. Bored? Eat a Creamie.
k. Phase 10 turns everyone into competitive backstabbers. End of story. But, that's also why it's super fun.
l. I watch more movies than is probably healthy for one person.
m. Do NOT put cayenne pepper in your cake. It does NOT taste good, no matter what you might think.
n. DO YOUR HOMEWORK THE NIGHT BEFORE. It frees up a lot of time later for you to go get ice cream, make a cuddle pit in the basement, or just catch up on some sleep. Plus, then you don't have to stress about it the next day.
o. Peanut butter > life. Forget the spoonful of sugar- give me a spoonful of peanut butter!
p. If you walk down the hair dye aisle at Walmart, chances are your hair is about to change colors- even if you're "just looking".
q. A good pair of jeans is a GREAT investment. 3 good pairs of different styles and washes are even better.
r. DON'T TAKE ANYTHING FOR GRANTED. What is here today will probably be running away from you, screaming, tomorrow.
s. An Ezio hoodie is worth whatever money you have to pay in international shipping to get it.
t. Despite contrary opinions, you can in fact survive a weekend with no internet and nothing but human contact.
u. Getting a package in the mail when you're in college is better than anything. Except maybe Christmas.
v. Club soda gets blood out of your clothing. And if you're in a jam and need to reattach a button to your sweater, pull the spring out of your pen. You'll get extra credit in your acting class ;).
w. DON'T TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY. NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY.
x. Think outside the box. For example: someone posted this the other day on Facebook. "A guy should only want to change 3 things about a girl: her last name, her address, and her opinion of men." Most people say "Aww cute!" You should say what I did: "So, you want a guy to scar a girl so bad that she changes her identity, moves to a new place, and becomes a lesbian??" You'll get lots more laughs that way.
y. Working out is actually good for you, contrary to popular belief. Especially if you're an insomniac. It makes your body tired so you can actually get some sleep at night.
z. People don't remember days, they remember MOMENTS. So make them count! Say yes to that spontaneous Valentine's Day dinner invitation from your friend's roommate. Play with your nieces and nephews every chance you get. Make someone laugh if they're crying. Hand out hugs like they're going out of style (because they kind of are).
aa. Good hair days mean the rest of your day will be FANTASTIC.
bb. If you're sick and tired, dress up your cutest. Your day will go much more smoothly.
cc. It's okay to spoil yourself once in a while. Eat that ice cream. Buy that jacket or those shoes. Just don't do it excessively. Life is about balance.
dd. Take the initiative. If you want to know if that guy likes you, ask him. Or make a move. Guys- it's the same for you. Ask her. Make a move. Life is too short to waste time being afraid of rejection.
ee. Having a roommate that bakes really delicious goodies all the time is a double-edged sword.
ff. If you don't have a parking lot at your house, but you've got 22 roommates- get creative! The lawn makes an excellent parking spot.
gg. You have to be able to laugh at yourself- especially if you're learning to figure skate. You will fall. More than once. And they will be spectacularly awful.
hh. Keep your friends close and ignore your enemies. Your enemies don't deserve any of the energy it takes to keep an eye on them. They cannot control your life- only you can.
ii. If you find a guy who doesn't care if you're wearing makeup or not, keep him. They are a rare and beautiful breed.
jj. Enjoy being alive! It is a brief, wonderful, terrible, up-and-down ride.
I know I'll think of more things as this semester continues, but I think this is enough for now. C'est la vie!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
It has been a long while since I've posted, and I apologize for that. Life caught up with me and dragged me around in hundreds of different directions all summer long. But I have made my triumphant return to the virtual world of telling people whatever crap happens to be in my brain at any given moment. Yes, I have returned to my blog.
You know when there is that one person in your life who just keeps inserting themselves into your personal business without an invitation, and you'd really love to serve them up a knuckle sandwich with extra beating on the side? That is exactly what has been going down for me this semester. It wouldn't usually bug me except for the following reasons:
1. We hardly spend any time together. But when we do, she sits there and tries guilt-tripping me into doing the same things she does. "Oh, I'll pray about it for you." "You should come sing with us in choir." "Hey, ward prayer is at 8. You coming?" "So, what do you normally do on Sundays?" I sleep. I do homework. I watch movies. I RELAX- well, I used to. Until she showed up.
2. When I tell her "No thank you" (very politely, I might add), she stares down her nose at me. It's as if she is the world's top chef and she has just made me this amazing cake and I pooped on it and threw it back in her face like some uncivilized chimpanzee. Um, hello! You do NOT have the right to insert yourself into my life and judge me because you don't even know me!
Sorry. I hate it when people judge me for being the way I am. It's worse when they only know fragments about me, and judge me based on those fragments. Yes, I understand she is just trying to be nice. But that does not involve her looking at me like I'm the spawn of Satan and that at any given moment I might start a bonfire in the backyard, dance naked around it, and shout praises to the Devil.
Just because I'm not religious does NOT mean I'm a bad person. It just means I'm not interested in the world-wide competition for "Let's See Which Church Can Recruit More Members!" I believe in God and in being a good person. And for right now, that is absolutely good enough for me.
So, to all you nay-sayers, you self-proclaimed judges of worthiness--BACK OFF. Please and thank you.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
The following is supposedly an actual question given in a university chemistry exam. The answer by one student was so profound that the professor shared it with colleagues.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1.If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2.If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Gibbons during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"
This student received the only "A".
I love hearing stories about kids who find roundabout ways to ace their exams. For instance, my professor told us that a friend of his in college passed a true or false exam like this:
Are the following questions true or false?
The student answered: Yes
And walked out of the exam that his classmates spent over an hour laboring over. When he received an "F", he protested his case to the Dean. And he won. The professor was instructed to give him an "A".
I love things like this. They just prove that there is some hope left for humanity after all.